I'll Be Okay Now
by DeanWsGirlXoXo
Summary: Is Hell still Hell with your best friend at your side. Rated M just in case


**Random one shot, I own nothing! **

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It wasn't the fires and the pits in Hell that scared me. It wasn't the sharp tools and the twisted torture devices.

It wasn't the distorted faces of upper level demons; that spat whilst they spoke slowly, telling me all of the awful things they wanted to do to me and then continued to do every single disgusting thing they had said.

It wasn't the promise of worse to come. It wasn't the fact that I was beginning to break. It wasn't the Hell hounds' growling or the screams of other souls.

It _was_ Dean.

I was sure I was going insane, but when Dean accepted the deal, I knew I would never be able to look at him the same again.

XOXOX

When I was seven years old, both of my parents were killed by vampires. We had been staying in a motel for the night, waiting till morning so we could get back on the road.

It wasn't pretty. I saw every damn thing, but they didn't kill me. They didn't get a chance.

A middle aged man burst through the door, facial hair almost covering the scary look in his eyes that showed how angry he was. His machete raised high in the air.

The vampires didn't think twice before running at the man, but they should have. One by one he decapitated each one until there were six bodies and four loose heads covering the motel floor.

The man's eyes softened as he saw me, sitting wide eyed on the floor next to my father. He knelt down and asked me my name. He introduced himself as John Winchester and he asked if I wanted to go with him.

I said yes.

I met his two sons, Sam and Dean, a few days later. They had been staying at their uncle Bobby's whilst John was fighting monsters. John had told me that they were old enough to look after themselves, but they didn't actually have a home to go to.

I was completely terrified, but Dean, who was eighteen at the time, told me that he would never let anything happen to me. Sam, who was sixteen, vowed the same and together, they raised me and trained me to be a hunter.

I wasn't the kind of girl to go on a personal vendetta. People die, I knew and accepted that. I wasn't going to go crazy every time a saw a vampire and envision what happened to my parents. I had dealt with what happened, and I didn't exactly get over it, but I moved on from it. It took a while, but I managed.

Then John was killed.

Sam and Dean took it hard. Sam was all about talking about his feelings and Dean preferred to bang any chick he could find.

I stayed strong for them, but it killed me inside.

The man who had saved my life, took me in and raised me to fight against the very evil that killed my parents, made me a fighter so I could stop it from happening to others, he just died.

Sam and I grew closer. He had always treated me like a little sister, but times changed and he started seeing me as his grown up sister. I could handle myself and he knew that. He respected that.

Dean was the complete opposite. He was pushy and possessive. He always needed to know where I was and we constantly argued. It didn't help that I was totally in love with him. But he just couldn't understand that I was no longer a seven year old girl scared of the monster hiding in my closet.

Dean wasn't mean; he was fun to be around when he wasn't being all moody. His laugh was infectious and when he was in a good mood, he's the nicest guy ever.

Then things went from bad to worse. Sam got kidnapped. It took us three days to find him. Apparently some High level demon went on some twisted ego trip and took a bunch of people, making them fight to the death. He wanted the winner to be his right hand man or something.

When we found them, Sam was still alive, but mid fight with someone else.

We all ran to him, he ran to us, but none made it in time. This other guy stuck a blade right through Sammy's spine. Then he ran.

Bobby followed the guy and Dean fell to the ground with Sam in his arms. I watched both Sam die and Dean give up on everything. His screams in the night broke my already damaged heart.

Dean disappeared for hours that night, whilst I sat on a chair, staring at Sam's dead body that was lying on a table.

I didn't understand why we weren't leaving this creepy town, but Bobby insisted that we stay in case the murderer comes back.

When Dean came back, sitting behind me, he wrapped me up in his arms with his head buried in my neck. I knew that this was totally not the time, but tingles still erupted all over my body at his touch.

I felt his tears on my neck, the wetness showing how heartbroken he was. Dean never cried.

I didn't know then that it wasn't because of his brother's death.

Sam woke up soon after Dean returned. He was confused and we all soon worked out that Dean had made a deal with a crossroads demon to bring him back.

He had a year left to live.

Turns out, when they say that there is no going back on a deal, they mean it.

We tried everything, but nothing worked. Dean was going to Hell.

Everything kind of got out of control the night the hell hounds came. Lillith, the demon who hold Dean's deal, came and she took Dean. Then she took me too.

I didn't make any deals, but apparently, they can take who they please.

I was tortured every single day. No mercy was shown by these twisted demons.

XOXOX

Ten years went by before I saw Dean again, and I didn't like the look in his eyes. He had no idea I had been down here with him.

The man who was holding a very beat up Dean looked familiar. Alistair. He was more sadistic than any other demon who had laid hands on me.

I briefly heard Dean mumble something, causing Alistair to roll his eyes and throw Dean to the ground.

"Now," Alistair started. He walked over to the tools and picked up a simple knife. "I can make you a deal, Dean."

"I don't make deals anymore." Dean growled, glaring up at him.

"Oh, but I think you will like this one." He sliced the knife across my face making me cry out. Granted, it wasn't the worst I had had here, but it still stung like a bitch.

"Don't touch her!" Dean yelled, trying to get up off the ground, but he appeared too weak.

"Well that is part of the deal, you see." Alistair's eyes began to shine with excitement. "We can both get what we want. If you come off the rack I will give you Isabella's soul. You won't have to hurt anybody else. Just little Bella."

"No." He said, glaring even harder at Alistair.

"Are you sure?" He asked, ramming the knife into my stomach. My head began to spin and I felt queasy, but there was no passing out down here. No sleeping, nobody was that lucky.

"Leave her alone."

"Don't you see? If you say yes, nobody else will be able to touch her, ever. She will belong to you. But you have to punish her; that is what she is here for."

"No," I murmured, I couldn't actually see properly and I felt like I was going to throw up. "Don't."

"She shouldn't even be down here!" Dean yelled.

"Ah, but she was so adamant in that pretty little head off hers that she would do anything to be with you." Alistair laughed sadistically, but I couldn't find it in me to be mortified that he had just told Dean of my feelings. I had gone through a hell of a lot. Pun intended. Embarrassment couldn't hurt me now.

"She doesn't deserve this."

"Of course she doesn't. Why do you think I am offering you this? She wants to spend eternity with you, if she has to be punished so she can be by your side, we may as well let her have you with her. We aren't completely evil." He was full of crap and Dean knew it.

"We have to switch places." Dean mumbled to the ground.

"What was that?"

"We have to switch places. She comes off the rack."

"No!" I yelled, the thought of hurting Dean hurt more than the damage that had already been inflicted upon me.

"Bella!" He growled.

"It doesn't work that way." Alistair said, slicing his knife across the main artery in my thigh. I cried out once more making Dean yell, but I couldn't work out what he was saying. "If you say no, I would do the honour of being in here with her, every single day." I whimpered in fear at the thought of him being here every day for eternity.

"I'll do it."

XOXOX

Days passed slowly. Dean's soft hands turned rough with the tools he would use to hurt me. My cries broke him down and he too would weep and apologise, but he never stopped. He couldn't stop. He promised.

"Bella," He whispered one time, when we were completely alone.

"Don't." I said, not being able to actually focus on him.

"Please, Bells." His broken voice tugged on my heart, but I ignored it.

"Don't stop. He'll come back." My tears fell freely as I finally focused upon Dean's face. He looked the same, only harder. Angrier. "Promise me you won't let him ever come back."

"Bella," He was desperate now. "I can't do this." A sob ripped from his chest.

"Promise me!" I yelled. He nodded through his tears.

"I promise."

I begged and pleaded for him to stop, daily. But he wouldn't, because I would be worse off if he did.

Weeks turned into months and our tears stopped. His apologies never faltered and neither did my screams, but there were no more tears.

Months turned into years and his apologies faded. My screams were the only sound heard between the two of us. He couldn't apologise anymore, because it just didn't matter anymore. I knew he was sorry, he didn't want to do it, but he had to. He couldn't keep apologising for something he had no control over. He promised me and no matter how much I begged, Dean had never broken a promise.

One day, or night, Dean was in the middle of sorting through the knives, opposite me, when the bright light shone. I felt blinded, but I also felt like I was being dragged and it hurt.

I called out Dean's name for help, but there was no reply.

XOXOX

The burning light disappeared as did the pain and I grunted as my body hit the ground.

I opened my eyes and gasped at the sight. It was Bobby's living room.

I heard mumbling and swearing getting louder and louder and I stepped back, only to jump forward again as I stepped on some ornament that was already smashed on the floor. It looked like an urn…

"Who the hell are you?" Bobby growled with a knife held out towards me. I put my hands up, completely confused.

"It's me, I swear!" I said, looking around and realising that there was a good chance I was actually back. Alive.

"That's not possible. You were cremated." He said. I looked back down at my feet, realising that he was right. I just came out of an urn.

"You kept me on your mantel?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"That's weird."

It took me two hours to convince Bobby that it was me and that I wasn't a demon, or a shape shifter or a ghost. When he final accepted it, his eyes filled up and it made for a very awkward ten minutes of hugging and not knowing what to say.

"Bella?" Bobby asked, looking at me curiously. I looked back at him and raised my eyebrow. "Do you remember?"

I knew instantly that he knew where I was. My thoughts went to Dean and I wondered if he saw that bright light too. Did he come back?

"I remember some stuff." I mumbled. "Where is Sam?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know, haven't spoken to him for months." He replied sounding bitter. "Did you see Dean?"

It appeared we were going to be playing twenty questions.

"Yes. How long was I gone?"

"Four months."

"That's it?" I asked incredulously.

"How long did it seem like you were down there?"

"Forty years exactly." Bobby's eyebrows shot up and I looked away. "Where is Dean?"

"Sam wanted to bury him. Just in case…" With a firm nod of my head, I stood and walked to the door, looking behind me to see if Bobby was following. He wasn't. "You coming?"

On the drive to find Dean, all I could think about was what was going to happen. Had he been brought back too or were we just going to find his grave untouched? If he was back, would all the horrors he'd had to endure have gone to his head or would he be completely untouched? Would he be the Dean Winchester I fell in love with or would he be a monster?

If he was _my_ Dean, would I be able to face him?

"Bella, I understand that you don't want to talk about it, but when we find Dean, is he going to be human?" Bobby asked, looking very uncertain. This was clearly his way of asking whether or not Dean had switched sides whilst we were down there.

"I don't know."

Standing at Dean's grave made me feel slightly sick. Reasons being; One, he had been buried under ground. Two, he had clearly dug his way out of his own grave.

There was a big lift in the mud where is grave used to be, showing that something had risen out of the ground.

Relief filled my whole body when I realised that I hadn't left Dean in Hell all alone. He was out. Now we just needed to find out where he went.

"Bella, this way!" Bobby yelled, pointing ahead of him. I spotted some blood on the ground indicating that Dean had injured himself getting out of the ground.

Poor Dean.

"Where would he go first?" Bobby asked, frowning at the dead end trail. I looked at him as if he was joking, but it appeared that he was serious.

"Bobby, when I was seven years old, you told me that the boys were old enough to look after themselves, but yours was the only home they had." He was still frowning at me. "If you had just risen from the dead to find yourself buried in the ground and you had to dig yourself out, where would you go first?"

"For some comfort." I rolled my eyes because his idea of comfort is in a glass bottle.

"You would go _home._"

On the ride back Bobby complained about having to drive all the way there, just to drive back. I rolled my eyes at his childishness and looked out of the window.

"Why aren't you traumatised?" He asked me when he noticed I wasn't paying attention to his rambling.

"What do you mean?" I asked, still not looking at him.

"Bella, you went to Hell." I huffed at his words because, really, I already knew that. "Don't get prissy with me, princess. You went to Hell, now I haven't heard a lot, but I am pretty sure it ain't all hugs and rainbows down there. You are a very good actress, Bella, you always have been, but I can see in your eyes that you are hiding something."

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled like a petulant child.

"Well you know you can talk to me, Bella. Don't let your pain take you away. You have lived with it for far too long."

"I'm okay." I lied.

When we returned to the house, I briefly looked over all the old messed up cars, trying to spot the classic beauty that was the love of my love's life.

"Sam has her." Bobby mumbled as he stopped his truck. I nodded and climbed out.

I was still fidgety and I kept expecting to wake up and find myself still chained to that rack with Dean's knife scraping along my body.

I shivered at the thought and saw that Bobby was watching me carefully. With a sigh, I walked back up to his house, leaving him behind me, worrying.

When I got to his front door I immediately felt like something was wrong. I turned to Bobby and gestured for him to come up to me. He nodded and moved slowly.

We saw the broken glass from the window on the door; it was strewn across the floor, along with some specks of blood.

I heard the fridge door open and close so I relaxed and went to walk in, but Bobby grabbed my arm.

"Do you have a death wish or somethin'?"

"What kind of monster is going to care about what is in your fridge?" He thought about it for a second and then he nodded for me to carry on.

I wasn't really surprised to see Dean standing there, drinking from a water bottle. I heard Bobby sigh in relief when he saw who it was, but that didn't stop him from getting out his knife.

Dean finally noticed we were there, he took one look at me and his whole body sagged in relief.

"Thank god." He stepped toward me but I quickly stumbled back. I mentally berated myself_. It's Dean. _His expression was one of hurt, but it was quickly covered by one of acceptance.

Bobby was looking between us both with a confused expression before moving on to making sure Dean was human. He was.

I felt no relief knowing that he was back, or that he was human.

I was too afraid. If Dean was back, that meant I would have to spend time with him and pretend nothing happened. If Bobby ever found out, he wouldn't allow any explanations; Dean would be dead.

I told myself to stop being silly. It's Dean, he wouldn't hurt me; only he did hurt me. He hurt us both and it wasn't even his fault, but I knew what he was capable of and it terrified me.

"I thought you two would be happy to be reunited. Unless you were never separated..?" Bobby said, watching us both with a very careful gaze.

"Bella," I flinched at the sound of his voice. The voice I once longed to hear would now haunt me. "I'm sorr-"

"Don't!" I yelled, causing Bobby to jump. Dean was used to my anger, but it was all new to Bobby. "Those words haven't meant anything to me in a long time."

Dean's eyes filled with unshed tears, but I couldn't look at him long enough to see if they fell.

"I wish I could make it better."

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" Bobby demanded. "What happened down there?"

I couldn't talk about it and my shaking had become too much, so I ran up to the bathroom and locked the door, having heard footsteps behind me.

"Bells, c'mon, please." I had heard a lot of begging come from Dean in the past thirty years, but he still made me want to just give him whatever he was asking for.

"Leave me alone!" I cried, tears covering my face.

He did as I asked, I heard his footsteps retreat and I sighed, but not in relief.

It wasn't long before I heard the shouting. I knew Dean had told Bobby what had happened in the pit and I also knew it was time to stop crying and be a big girl.

Dean promised me he wouldn't stop because I made him. It was not his fault, it was mine.

As soon as I heard something crash, I pulled the bathroom door open and ran down the stairs. When I got to the living room I saw that Bobby had Dean pinned up to the wall with a gun to his head.

"You sick bastard!" He screamed in Dean's face.

"Stop!" I cried, running to Bobby and pulling him back.

"He hurt you!" He growled, looking at me incredulously.

"It wasn't his fault." I said, as calmly as I could through my tears.

"Was someone forcing him to do it, eh? Was somebody forcing him?" I had never heard Bobby so angry before, it was kind of intimidating.

"I was." I told him, honestly.

"What?" He looked tired now, and confused.

"I made him promise not to stop. I was scared and if he stopped it would have gotten worse. He kept me as safe as I could have been down there." It was true. Dean was my best friend and he did exactly what I asked him to do.

The entire time we were down there together, his words were kind. He would remind me of our memories together so I didn't lose myself.

I would speak about his father and Sam through my pain, crying but trying to keep his humanity intact.

I forced him to hurt me by making him promise something that could have ripped away his sanity, and he constantly apologised to me!

"How could you do it?" Bobby asked Dean, in complete disgust. Dean shook his head and left the room. I turned to Bobby and glared.

"He did it because if he didn't, the most sadistic, twisted demon would have, and I was too afraid of him!" I yelled. He stood there, listening in shock. "He cried, every damn day for ten years, he cried begging me to let him stop!

He apologised every day until one day he just couldn't any more. He was hurting me every day because I was forcing his hand! I broke him because I was selfish and afraid! So if you need to blame someone, well I am standing right here!"

"Bella, I didn't know." Bobby said looing so ashamed.

"For thirty years I tortured the man I love, because I didn't want to be scared _and _alone." My tears slowed, but the pain remained. "Dean has never been the bad guy, Bobby."

"It wasn't your fault." His voice said, hoarse and desperate. I turned to his beautiful face and shook my head.

"How can you say that?" I asked.

"I never once blamed you, Bells. I knew it was the only way to keep you alive, so to speak."

"I am so sorry." I cried, pushing myself into his chest. Those familiar tingles that I hadn't felt in a long time arose when his arms wrapped around my body.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered into my hair. I pulled back to look at him and was shocked at the adoration in his eyes. He bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to my lips and then looked back at me with a small smile.

"I love you too." I smiled back.

"What the hell did I miss?" Sam said, standing in the doorway frowning at us all. I hadn't even noticed he arrived.

"Sammy!" Dean said with a huge grin. Sam smiled back and came and enveloped us in a huge hug. It was obvious we weren't demons, otherwise Bobby wouldn't have just been standing around, so Sam knew it was safe and real.

"I missed you guys so much!" He said when he pulled back.

We weren't fixed. We weren't even close to it, but we were together and that was all that mattered.

"Eejits."

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